It’s funny how pain attracts company. When you go through something big -separation, loss, heartbreak – suddenly people with similar stories start orbiting around you like emotional homing pigeons. I’ve always been the “call me when your life falls apart” friend, so it felt natural to be the person others reached out to when their relationships ended.

I’m no expert, but I’ve lived it. I’ve listened to countless stories, shared a few tears, and noticed patterns in how people cope, survive, and eventually rebuild. My heart has been played, stabbed, cheated, burned and broken – and somehow it still works. Honestly, at this point it deserves a long-service award.

So here are ten things I’ve learned along the way.

1. It’s going to be shit for a while – maybe a LONG while: This is the most realistic advice I’ve ever given anyone. No matter why the relationship ended, there’s a lot of crap to wade through. Knowing it’s going to be tough actually helps – it makes you feel normal, and reminds you that you’ve survived 100% of your worst days so far. Statistically, you’re doing great.
2. Be kind to yourself: People forget this one. You’re navigating hurt, loss, confusion, paperwork, and possibly a fridge full of expired condiments. Let yourself off the hook for not getting everything right. Take it minute by minute, then hour by hour. Eventually you’ll be strong enough to take on days and weeks at a time. Healing is slow, not dramatic – like watching grass grow, but with more crying.
3. Be kind to others: A breakup doesn’t just affect you and your ex. Friends, family, even the barista who knew your “couple order” might feel weird about it. Some people will pick sides – sometimes intentionally, sometimes because humans are awkward. Give them grace. The right people will stay close. The others might return once they’ve processed their own feelings… or they won’t. Either way, it’s rarely about you.
4. Remember it’s ok to be angry/mad/sad – just don’t camp there: You’re allowed to feel everything. All of it. But don’t unpack your suitcase and build a permanent residence in Rage Town or Sadness City. Let the emotions move through you, then keep going. At the end of it, you’ll have knowledge, experience, and possibly a new appreciation for waterproof mascara.
5. You do you: There is no “correct” way to heal. If you need to cry in a café, go for it. If you want to laugh with friends until your abs hurt, do that too. People will judge you no matter what, that’s a them problem. Some folks need to exercise their non‑judgmental muscles, and honestly, some of them haven’t stretched in years.
6. Only worry about what you can control: Feeling out of control is awful — especially if you’re a self-confessed control freak (hi, it’s me). You can’t control your ex, their behaviour, or their choices. You can control how you respond. That’s where your power is. Attempts to influence them will usually be met with hostility, resentment, or the classic “You’re being dramatic.” Focus on your reactions – that’s where you get your control back.
7. Don’t talk badly about your ex — especially if you have kids: There’s a huge difference between venting to a trusted friend and publicly roasting your ex like you’re auditioning for a comedy special. I’ve met plenty of people who can’t resist trash‑talking their exes on dates, it’s a red flag with its own postcode. And if you have kids: never, ever, EVER speak badly about their other parent in front of them. They’re innocent, and they deserve to love both parents without your commentary. Your character shows most in how you treat people you don’t have to be nice to.
8. Revenge is not helpful: If your relationship ended because of infidelity or your ex moved on quickly, revenge might feel tempting. Fantasise all you want — mentally egg their house, TP their car, or imagine giving a dramatic monologue in a supermarket aisle. But acting on it? No. You’ll only make yourself look unhinged, and not in the cute “quirky” way. Sometimes silence is the most powerful response. Let people reveal themselves. You don’t need to help them.
9. Flying solo doesn’t mean you have to be lonely: Being single doesn’t mean being alone. Call a friend, go to a movie, take a weekend away, or rediscover hobbies you forgot you loved. Fill your life with people and experiences that bring you joy. Learning to be content as a single person was the most empowering thing I’ve ever done. Ironically, I reached peak contentment about a week before I met my Prince Charming. Typical. But by then, I didn’t need someone to complete me, only to enrich me.
10. Take chances — let people in: If you want to stay single forever, amazing. Live your best solo life. But if you want to find your forever person, you’ll need to open your heart again. Vulnerability is terrifying, especially after heartbreak, but it’s not impossible. Go on dates. Share your dreams. Tell someone what you want. Wear your scars with pride. We’re all perfectly imperfect – find someone who loves you because of that, not despite it.

These tips aren’t a rulebook – just lessons collected from my own mess, and from the brave people who trusted me with theirs. Heartbreak touches all of us eventually. But being broken isn’t something to hide. Strength is simply pain that has been repaired.